Cheap Birthday Candles

It's scary how much control our emotions have over our lives. Or at least my life. Perhaps a more accurate word would be 'state of mind'. It determines every single movement you make, every single word you utter; it determines your responses and reactions to those around you, those you care for and cherish. The same people towards whom you may feel a sudden inexplicable and completely unjustified vengeful distaste for, leaving nothing but regret and self disgust. On the good days all is exceedingly well, you wonder how you've ever managed to cope with being such a miserable person. Nature blooms with quiet vitality and speaks a secret language that only you are familiar with, the words on your favorite books flow smoothly and naturally, everything seems to be perfect. But the new friendships that have been built on these good days would only fade with the change in your temper, rather like one of those cheap birthday candles, lasting only as long as its eleven centimeters of wax can burn. Strangled echoes of what could have been. It's rather disturbing really. Because no one else seems to be that way, to experience the same sort of hopeless uncertainty. And that's your cue, it's when you look at the others and realize what you're feeling is singular. That's when you become bitter and jealous. You notice it too, the subtle changes in their response.