.

One moment the fireworks are illuminating the night sky with their sparkling brilliance, the next moment it's dead silence, encompassing your entire being so rapidly as if it's jealous of that happiness you felt for a mere fraction of a second. You're at the edge of the surface, the crown of you head touching that space separating the liberating air from the suffocating water, at the threshold of clarity but not quite breaking free. Struggling. You're struggling so hard to see, you blink, once, twice, but to no avail, your eyes refusing to give you a clear image of what's beyond the water, rather like an old digital camera out of focus, like a photograph of bokeh effect. It's just a game, this moment, not amounting to even a chapter in this treacherous game.

(More ramblings transcribed from a notebook)